Being Ashamed of the Ugly Word Called "Depression"

By now, you all have probably seen the article in Brown Girl Magazine about me titled, "Brown Girl Of The Month Sharon Samuel Founded Mehndificent Art As A Tool For Fighting Depression".

Depression.

When drafting that article, I tried so hard to tip-toe around that word. I said things like "downward spiral", "became a struggle", "hard/dark time in my life", etc. Anything BUT the one word that described all those phrases. So, why didn't I use it? It wasn't even until I saw the title that I had realized that was what I went through.

Brown Girl Mag, you called me out on it, and boy, did you hit the mark.

At first, I admit, I was ashamed. In our Indian culture, Depression is unacceptable. It is a sign of weakness, unstability, embarrassment, and chaos. Parents deny it. Aunties/uncles gossip about it. Some friends and family members avoid you like the plague, thinking that it's something contagious that they could catch. It's unfortunate, really, because these reactions from others are the very things that push those who are struggling with it deeper.

If you're suffering from that ugly word called Depression, then I'm here to tell you, there's nothing to be ashamed about!

Yes, I was ashamed, but then I realized that it was my Depression that brought me to some of my greatest and happiest accomplishments. Through that experience, I started feeling a sense of worth and purpose. Even though it didn't bring me all the answers I was searching for, it gave me peace in my heart that those answers would be brought to light someday, and that it was okay to have unanswered questions. And now, I stand tall and proud.

YES, I WENT THROUGH DEPRESSION!

But it didn't overcome me; in fact, I overcame IT. And I would be a fool to say that it was all because of what I did that brought me out. No. Going through depression was hard, but getting out of it was even harder. And it is not something you can do alone. Yes, you can have the support of at least one friend or loved one, and that helps. But more importantly, you need something greater, something inside of you, that will give you the strength to get through it. And that is Jesus Christ. See, without Him, I would have been a goner. But there is something about accepting the Lord Jesus into your heart and giving everything over to Him that gives you such a peace in your heart. And in my case, not only did He give me the strength I needed, but He also gave me a gift that helped me through it - the ability to paint/draw. And I owe everything to Him. Because going through Depression is what brought me to who I am today. I am by no means perfect or even near perfect; I am heavily flawed. But I know that the little and big situations that I go through, both good and bad, will continue to build me into the person that God wants me to be.

I relate the experience of going through Depression as making a sculpture out of a block of marble. Yes, the colors and components make it is nice to look at. But the sculptor has other plans. He chips away at it and changes the way it looks. Ultimately, he knows what he wants it to look like, but the process to get there takes a lot of hard work and effort. And he knows which areas could ruin the marble if he chips too hard. But once the sculptor chips at all the right places as many times as he needs to, he looks back at that transformed piece of marble. It's unrecognizable from what it originally looked like. But the transformation has brought about a new beauty and appreciation, for it is not referred to anymore as a slab of marble, but a sculpture; a work of art belonging to the sculptor. And when he is finished, he looks back at it in admiration and is happy.

See, we are all that block of marble. We go through trials, tribulations and situations that are meant to chip away at us until we are shaped in the way our Creator desires. Yes, it sucks to go through all of this nonsense that shouldn't even be happening in the first place, but we have got to believe that there is something higher than us; a Name above all names, who knows something that we can't see yet. Our minds are so two-dimensional, but our Creator's mind is beyond three-dimensional, who knew our name before we were even born and knows each step before we even take it! So then, why not trust in a God like that? It's what I did, and what I continue to try to do. And when we put our trust in our God, the perfect sculptor, He'll chip away at us, until that glorious moment when we are transformed into what He wants us to be. In that instant, He'll stand back and say, "You are beautiful and you are Mine."

So that's my two cents for this week. I hope this post touches someone's heart. Until next time :-)